Out of desperation, I called my husband at work. But I got his voicemail, which meant he was in a meeting.
Here I was at home with two screaming babies, and he was in a quiet conference room with other adults.
I decided to leave to a message — without saying a word.
For 45 seconds, I let my husband’s voicemail record the shrill cries of two infants. Musically, there was crescendo and dissonance and plenty of staccato as the crying would slow down and fade and then build steam to forte for the bridge and repeat chorus.
After hanging up, I tried everything to soothe the shrieking cherubs. I fed them, changed them, bathed them, and dressed them. When that didn’t work, I swaddled, bounced, swayed, and burbled.
Forlorn and weary, I buckled my babies in their car seats and took them for a drive around the neighborhood. A ride in the mini-van usually quieted both of them.
As I turned the same corner for the third time, I wondered: Where can we go?
Then I had a brilliant idea. I knew where we could go, and it wouldn’t even require getting out of the car!
The McDonald’s drive-thru.
I ordered a cheeseburger and fries and then pulled into a parking space. With both babies finally asleep, I ate my happy meal and cried.
“Stolen water is sweet;
food eaten in secret is delicious.”
~ Proverbs 9:17
Food eaten in secret.
I can relate to this proverb — not because I creep downstairs in the middle of the night to raid the fridge, but because I’m usually home alone all day. It’s easy to hop in the mini-van and find my way to the nearest drive-thru.
Nowadays, my babies are no longer babies, and it’s been a few years since I left the now-infamous message on my husband’s voicemail. But whenever I feel depressed, guess where I’m tempted to go first?
Not to my knees.
And not to God’s Word.
But to the altar of the Golden Arches.
This isn’t what I want to be true of me.
So when loneliness and fatigue set in, I pray: Lord, help me to turn to You first. Fill me with Your presence and Your peace.
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.”
~ Matthew 5:6
I want to hunger and thirst for righteousness more than a cheeseburger and fries. Because only God can fill the desperate heart.
My experiences as a full-time-stay-at-home mom have also filled me with a tender heart for other moms, especially young moms who are doing their best to get through long days without much support from extended family. It can feel as though “you’re doing this alone,” but I’ve learned that our experiences in motherhood are not that different.
We have so much to offer each other. After turning to the One who can fill us, we can also turn to other moms who can hear us with open hearts and offer the friendship of a fellow traveler.
When you’re having a hard day, where do you turn?
Photo Credit: Keoni Cabral (Creative Commons)
Denise J. Hughes lives in Southern California with her husband and three kids. Denise speaks at Bible studies and Women’s Retreats, and she serves as an editor and writing coach. She devotes her blog to helping others deepen their faith and develop their craft. Denise has an M.A. in Rhetoric and Composition and teaches writing seminars at Azusa Pacific University.
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This is so great! It has so much life and heart. Love your honesty in your pursuit of Him.
Michele-Lyn, your kinds words always bless. Thank you.
I can so relate. I remember when my children were little, I would run to food, out of frustration or boredom, but it always left me more hungry! And now that my children are older, I still have moments where I want to run and hide and stuff my face, and have a good cry. I am so thankful that He fills every void. That I can always turn to Him for comfort!
Barbie, I know what you’re talking about. Long after the babies are no longer babies, I can still be tempted by a burger! I know it sounds crazy. But I’m so thankful for his ever-present help. Only He can truly fill the longing in my soul. Thank you, Barbie, for sharing your heart and your experiences.
Oh, sweet sister, Denise. If you only knew.
Been there. Done that. Still do it.
I had babes so close together (as you know they’re older now) that there were days I literally just joined them in the crying. When I’m having a tough day, I’m tempted to just crawl into the safety of my bed.
Then I put on some Bethel Live or my new fave, Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave, and bask in what He tells me. Reading the Psalms helps, too.
Beautiful words, sister. Thank you.
Natalie, it helps so much to hear other moms’ stories. My youngest two children are 17 months apart. And there were days when I wasn’t sure how I would survive. Of course, by His grace, here I am. My oldest begins her senior year this year! Crazy.
Listening to worship music helps to soothe my frazzled soul too. (And I love Big Daddy Weave!)
Thank you for sharing here in this space. Your words continue to lift up those around you.
I remember those young mother struggles, and it is most certainly hard. I don’t remember anything specific getting me through so that means it must have been the Lord. I did learn to just walk away to another room, as long as the babies were safe, and give mom a time out. M&M’s helped, too.
Lisa, you’re so right. It’s only by His grace did I make it through those early mommy years. And, yes, there were moments when I simply needed to walk into another room, as long as the babies were safe, and give myself a quick time out. And chocolate? Well, yes, there’s that too.
Were you in the car with me yesterday? We get back from SS and my 3 and 1 year old were EXHAUSTING yesterday. So I went to Panda Express and took them to Sonic. And then I went and prayed…and survived one more day in the season God has me in. Wasn’t pretty, but thank you for allowing me to admit this too you! You have encouraged me more than you know.:) God bless.
Oh, Tracy, we all have our “not-so-pretty” mommy days. But I can so relate to what you shared. For a long time, the only way I could study my Bible was at the McDonald’s playground while my toddlers played. Yep, I’ve had more than my share of burgers. {Sigh.} But it’s a season. And He is the same in that season as in others. Tracy, I admire your initiative in attending She Speaks with a 3 and 1 year old. You rock!
You wrote this just for me, didn’t you Denise. It feels that way…
I struggled for a LONG time with living like I had something to prove. Prove to my hubby I deserved this chance to stay home and raise our children while putting the burden on him alone to care for our financial needs. Prove to God that I deserved the blessings He had given me…
and the pressures I piled high as a result I fed with my drug of choice: cheesy pasta.
until one day I realized I’m not that good. and He didn’t make me to do it all alone. but to lean on Him more readily.
Even my 4 year old can tell you when I haven’t started my day out right–with my Savior. and God knew that’s what I would need–that accountability to stay away from those golden arches and knock on His door instead…
thank you for your encouraging post, Denise!
And thank you once again, Denise, for sharing your space here!
Nikki, your story echoes my heart. As moms, we really do experience similar moments in motherhood. Which is why it helps to share our stories. To know we’re not alone. And, yes, when we start our day with our Savior, He makes all the difference in the world.
Thank you for sharing here, Nikki. Your words always bless.
It is soo awful when nothing you do can stop the baby/ies crying! (One, if female, may be crying along in sympathy, no kidding.) It’s not just the noise; it’s the sense of helplessness, frustration, and worry that goes with each wail. When nothing would work, I put on the headphones and cranked up the volume, something fairly soothing, if loud enough. That way I could see, but not hear, little one (much, anyhow).