“I can’t wait.”
The dreams of being married, having children and the “happily ever after” kept me awake at night as a teenager. Mr. Perfect was going to sweep me off my feet and I would be a pastor’s wife for the rest of my days, serving as joyfully in the church as I did all my teen years. We would have six children and though I didn’t have all the names chosen, I was certain I wanted a big family just like my parents had.
Just the chance to meet Mr. Right was all I needed. I headed off to a Christian college and I did indeed meet that special someone. We dated for three years, but the happily ever after part didn’t come. He decided that I was not the one for him. Then I met another “Mr. Perfect” and this time, I eagerly answered yes when he popped the question.
After marrying, we were about to embark on the ministry of my dreams. Until sin entered the scene. After battling what to do, instead of finding ourselves joyfully serving God, we found ourselves divorced.
The “D” word was NEVER a part of my dreams. I don’t think it is for anyone truthfully. But it happens, even to good, very good, almost perfect relationships. Without the grace of God guarding us, we can easily be robbed of our dreams by Satan.
Before I trudged through the dark valley of divorce, my judgment of other divorcees was pretty harsh. In fact, the harshest. But I’m telling you now that while I know from Scripture that divorce is not God’s best plan, it does happen. Even to good, well-meaning Christians. “Judge not, lest you be judged” is now my motto of heart.
Can I just tell you how gracious God is? In the middle of my fumbling, my stupidity, my immaturity, God generously gave me my husband, Matt. With a similar background as mine, his strong Christian heritage and his return to the Lord after some prodigal years was the perfect combination for God to join us together at just the right time.
Twelve years later, I look back with awe at everything God has brought forth from our lives merged together as one. The roles of being stepparents, special needs parents, and parents to 5 children together, making our total number of children 7, is nothing short of God’s miraculous power. 64% of second marriages end in divorce! Isn’t that number astronomical? But strangers often see our family together and compliment how large and wonderful it is- God’s handiwork on display.
Today I’d like to give you 5 little cliff notes for staying married through thick and thin:
1. Be confident that your mentors and closest advisors foresee no problems with your future spouse.
2. Love each other, commit to be together no matter the cost, and keep your vows.
3. Be the first to ask forgiveness- whether husband or wife. If both are willing to admit their wrongs easily, then forgiveness will freely flow.
4. Let go of anger as quickly as you catch it; don’t hold grudges.
5. Stay in the Word and pray for your marriage; be faithful to church and keep Christ as the head of your home and marriage.
Owning a dozen or so marriage books, I just wanted to encourage you today through my own story:
God wants to use you right where you are at. No matter the past, no matter the mistakes you’ve either made or endured by others, God wants to do a work in YOU.
Have you given yourself and your marriage to Him?
Rachel
Rachel is originally a small town country girl who converted to a suburban mother of seven by way of life happening. She and her husband, Matt, enjoy caring for their busy family, whose ages span from 13 months to 21 years old, including a special needs daughter. Rachel leads community ladies’ Bible studies in central Ohio and serves as an event planner and speaker for special needs parenting groups. She is a member of Ohio Writers’ Guild and the National MPS Society; and loves to inspire others through her blog by sharing faith, family, and fun. Rachel also recently released her first ebook The Sensational Scent of Prayer
Life In Bloom Link Up
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Great advice! My husband & I try to read the Bible together every evening and it has been a huge blessing in our marriage.
Thanks Jenni!! Blessings to you.
Rachel…
I love your cliff notes. Especially #1 -I’m not too crazy about #3! Ha. I could totally appreciate your hesitation to write on marriage. I speak and coach moms and dads re: parenting. I’m the mom of 4 kids and a licensed parent-family educator. Recently my 24 year old daughter publically declared that she was -at this time- involved in a same sex relationship. The enemy worked me over pretty well. I thought I needed to give up the parenting ministry. But… I received wise counsel-like your husband gave you… and have continued working with parents. They actually appreciate the fact my life isn’t “perfect” and they know I can relate to the heart breaking struggles that can occur when being a parent. God bless you! Lori
Wow! What an incredible testimony of God’s redeeming love. Thank you for sharing with us.
Blessings…
Thanks for rejoicing in His redeeming power with us! Blessings to you.
Thanks for sharing your story, Rachel. Excellent advice. Our pastor told us to make sure to pray together out loud daily. This is a practice we have found very binding in our marriage.
Great practice!! Love it. Thanks for your encouragement.
His mercy– new every morning…great is His faithfulness.
His power– the ability to redeem, renew & transform.
Love this Rachel…
Seeing your family’s photos always makes me smile…evidence that He can weave blessings out of strands that include heartache.
Thanks for being willing to share all this.
Love,
K
Thank you Friend. And oh how He weaves friendships across the miles.
Thank you for being honest about your life and where God has taken you. I also have experienced divorce and came from a long line of long lasting marriages. One thing I learned from the experience is that God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness. My life is amazing and I don’t regret anything because it is through the pain that God has brought me life! Be blessed my She Speaks Sister.
Kerry-Ann
So very true- “Through the pain that God has brought me life” Be blessed in return, dear sister.
I would add serve each other to your list. Even when you don’t feel like serving him because of this or that it softens the heart and reaps great rewards.
Very good. Yes. I have to remember this one in the midst of caring for a large family and especially the busy little ones.
Great advice! When Jesus is the head of the marriage, the partners are far more likely to honor one another as they grow in His grace. Thanks for the great post & for hosting the linkup , & God bless,
Laurie
Bless you, Laurie!
This was an excellent post.
Thank you for hosting this link-up; I think I ended up here by following a rabbit trail (again!), and I’m glad I did.
Glad you came on a rabbit trail here! Happy to host and build up community!
Rachel, thank you for being so candid and sharing your story. You have given us all very good advice. I appreciate what you said about judging and being judged. It seems we often end up failing in the very areas we have judged others in. God has a wonderful way of humbling us, doesn’t he?
Indeed He does. Thanks Tereasa!
Rachel, I wish we knew this commonality when we sat next to one another during the Agent session at She Speaks!
I’m with you sister – my “happily ever after” didn’t go as planned either.
I’m also divorced and remarried and I praise God for His unfailing mercy each day.
How funny that our paths crossed on Twitter today, too. Love how He works! He is good, good, good.
Great list of tips, too! Thank you for this!
How fun is that! God is good, all the time. Pleasure to meet you, connect and look forward to God’s path of weaving lives together.
I immediately thought of Genesis 50:20 when I read your story. Here it is: You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Satan attempted to ruin you, God used it to bless you
What a BEAUTIFUL story!!