I see the pool of water — clean, blue — a puddle of heaven where He invites me to jump.
Life of the Father is not something grasped by completing a certain task, getting up at the required time, finding the right words. I ask Him to search my heart, let me know whether I am living like heaven is something I achieve. I search for connection with Him, expectant-waiting.
It is in not just the invitation, but in the actual jumping in with him that partnership begins. The living water never ends and I can’t touch bottom and there is nothing to do except trust. Receive His love and jump in: Liquid blue swirls overtaking me and I no longer need to breathe.
I began writing this blog to organize the emails I sent periodically to the Monday morning My Girls group I facilitate from my home. God was sharing such beauty with these women, and the emails were the scratched-out recordings of my heart connected with His.
I found His beauty in me — the water rippling in tiny waves — when I responded to His voice, His pattern-weaving-current sweeping me up. Water flowing out of me where I swam.
And now as these emails have become writing I do more often, on a website created to reach a larger community of His girls — the women He desires and adores with all His heart — I can get distracted and forget that these words are still His in me, my invitation to stay in the water, going where the current leads. I must continue to stay by His side if I want to swim.
I am tempted to care too much about the reception of these words by the readers — and, even, be worried about whether these words will be read at all. The end of this journey isn’t mine to see. I keep wanting to look ahead, see what is around the corner, what obstacles are going to be waiting around the bend that I will need to avoid. And I’m not swimming then, just treading water maybe, on my way to the bottom to sink.
Moments seeking Him, trusting that He reads the stirrings of my heart and knows what I need, brings me in to the sparkle blue water with Him. The adventure He invites me to go on with Him is no tranquil stroll along an organized, tamed flower path, where the brook ripples quietly and the fish jump in glee. It is often a hilarious and intense trip down the rapids, Jesus swimming with His Father’s might and holding me fast, or steering the raft as the waves crash and I grab tight. Jesus looks at me, laughing, eyes sparkling, and I am reminded I love this, this adventure with Him, and I know I am okay.
The adventure with Him is only fun — is only possible — when I am not in control. When my skin is drenched and my heart is racing and the current threatens to sweep me up but it doesn’t. Jesus says to jump in, “I will catch you.” And He does, and He teaches me how to swim.
How is He asking you to jump in with Him, and swim?
Jennifer Camp, voice finder and the wife of a heart warrior, in N. California, mothers three children and leads
My Girls, in her home on Monday mornings. She writes at her blog, You Are My Girls, where she writes to remember the truth of her identity in the Father’s eyes and to encourage other women to remember, too. Come on over to connect with her at You Are My Girls Community, on Facebook, or at twitter, JenniferCamp1
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Yes, I want to jump in and swim abandoned to all my doubts and questions. Just enjoying the water that quenches the deepest thirst in me, the way only He can. Lovely reflection on letting go Jennifer.
Me, too, Shelly. Letting Him teach me what “abandonment” is, and the freedom found there! Love it! Bless you!
Shelly, swimming abandoned . . . yes, there it is. Love that word. Bless you!
What an encouraging and inspirational post. Love the line: It is in not just the invitation, but in the actual jumping in with him that partnership begins.
Thank you, Jean — always — for your sweet encouragement. You help encourage the jumping in!
Thank you, as always, for your loving encouragement, Jean. You are a blessing to me.
“water flowing out of me where I swim”…If we are saturated in Him…living water will flow from us…and like you said…it is not a state of doing…it is a state of being…letting Him fill…not trying to give out of an empty place…but letting all spill over out of an overflowing heart. I jumped into the blog world…just jumped and did not care…I had no idea what was really in the waters of the blog world. I often am ready to swim to the shore and hop out…but this is were He asks me to swim…I truly don’t get why…but one reason I do know why …these waters are cleansing…cleansing to my pride…to my flesh. I want to be washed by Him…this is where He chooses to let His love wash over me.
I love this post…it speaks to me…I like swimming in these waters with you…I am blessed:)
And I love swimming here, in these waters, with you, sweet Ro. I am so grateful for your blog, for your faithfulness, your beautiful heart and words. Bless you, friend.
What a beautiful post! You create such a visual feast with your words. I was thinking of that moment when He invited me and I stuck a toe in wondering what all He had in store for me. Not knowing but trusting to then just jump in. Who knew where I would be swimming all these years later still clinging to that moment where He just invited me to swim. Thank you so much for sharing this! Blessings!
Dear Wendy, I love that He is happy to have us be open to that first sticking-the-toe-in-the-water first step — and then how He must smile, in delight, when we say “I trust You!” and jump on in! He is so good! Blessings to you!
I am not sure if this is what you meant, but this is what just resonated in my soul. Sometimes, when I come to God, I mean, really come to meet with God and be in His Presence, there is still a twinge of fear that rises up. It says, “Maybe this time He won’t come. Maybe this time He won’t meet me here. Maybe He has someone better to speak with.” Foolish, I know.
Like these words you wrote, “I search for connection with Him, expectant-waiting.” I come and I think of the words of David, “Don’t take your Holy Spirit from me.” I cling the One who is my everything, the One, when apart from Him, I am nothing.
God’s working deep in my soul these days, and the words have not come so easily. I know I am rambling now. I love your heart, and I am so blessed to know you, Jennifer.
Denise, you are a most lovely, and gracious hostess